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When Mother's Day is a difficult Day

Mother’s day can be a lovely day on which you appreciate and validate your mother or perhaps receive those things yourself if you are a mother. Many mothers are unsung heroes and do a lot that goes unnoticed so Mother’s day can be an opportunity to acknowledge those things.


However, Mother’s Day can also be a very difficult day for many people.

You may have lost your mother and this day might trigger feelings of sadness, loss and loneliness for you.

You might have lost your child and are struggling to come to terms with your loss.

You might want to be a mother and are struggling to have a child.

Your mother might have left you in childhood and you may be dealing with feelings of hurt, abandonment and anger.

You might have a complicated relationship with your mother and Mother’s day might feel forced and uncomfortable for you.

You might be struggling with motherhood yourself and experience feelings of shame or guilt.


Here are some thoughts and ideas that you might find helpful if you are struggling on Mother's Day:

 

We might not always notice everything our mothers do  for us but we often show our love and appreciation for our mothers in a million different ways on many different days. Remember Mother’s Day is just one of those days.

 

Mothers too come in many different forms, shapes and guises and the person you see as your mother or who takes care of you might not necessarily be your biological mother. We are all different which means mothers are all different too.

 

Just because you might be struggling with motherhood, doesn’t mean you are a bad mother. Motherhood and parenting is hard and there is no shame in finding it difficult or exhausting. There is also no shame in asking for help so if you are struggling and feel like you need some help and support, please reach out. You are not alone! (please see the end of this post for organisations/helpline that offer support.)


It is okay to opt out of Mother’s Day. If Mother’s Day is a trigger for you or feels just too difficult, it’s okay to opt out. Many retailers offer an opt out option so that you do not receive any promotional emails or text messages. You might like to think about how you will spend the day and what you need. Self care is really important.

 

Acknowledge and validate your feelings - whatever this day brings up for you, acknowledging and validating your feelings can help to lessen their intensity. It is okay to feel things, it’s part of being human.

 

If you are grieving for your mother or your child, you might want to reflect on what would help you to cope with the day. For example you might wish to do something that feels soothing or comforting. You might wish to do something in their memory or talk to family and friends about them.

 

I hope the above might offer some comfort and support. Please check out the list below for organisations and helplines.

And remember there is no shame in asking for help and you are not alone!



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Helplines and Support

 

Home Start

Offers support and parenting advice

 

Parenting Mental Health

Offers support to parents and families of children suffering from mental health challenges

 

Cruse Bereavement Support

Offers support for anyone who is grieving

Helpline: 0808 8081677

 

Sands

Offers help and support for bereaved families

 

Samaritans

Offer support

Helpline: 116 123

 

 

 

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