The Year of Firsts
- kat17021
- Mar 13
- 3 min read
When a loved one or pet dies, it is often said the first year without them is the hardest. Grief is its own kind of beast and it is different for everyone. There is no time limit on how long it takes and I would even go so far as to say that grief will always stay with you but in time, life grows around your grief again.
As you might know I had to make the difficult decision last year to put my beautiful cat Charlie to sleep. I wrote about it in another blog post and I have since talked about it on the Therapist Poetry Podcast, if you would like to listen to the episode you can find it here:
The pain we feel when someone we love dies is overwhelming and now we are faced with the first of everything without them. Birthdays, Mother’s day, Father’s day, anniversaries, gotcha dates, Christmas. Life simply carries on as if nothing has happened when your world has shattered into a million pieces.
As Charlie’s first anniversary approaches, I find myself wondering how I made it through a whole year without her. I ask myself how it can be a year already since that horrible March day when we were suddenly out of time and had to say goodbye.
Pet Bereavement is still a hidden grief and it can be difficult to cope with when everyone around you is silent. But if you are grieving for your pet or companion animal, please know you are not alone and there is help and support out there. There are people who understand and trained professionals, like myself, you can talk to (I have also included a list of helpline and support at the end of this post).
Death is a part of life and yet we don’t talk about it very often. We don’t talk about how to process our emotions when it comes barging into our lives and taking someone we love. We don’t talk about the sadness, the pain, the anger and despair we might experience when we are grieving. What often happens too is that others around you retreat or disappear from our lives. This might be because people don’t know what to say and they don’t want to hurt us further, not realising that their absence is painful. Sometimes people stop talking about the person or the pet that you have lost which means you might not feel able to talk about them anymore, making you feel more isolated and alone.
One thing that might bring some comfort is to mark any important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries and gotcha dates. Not only is it a way to remember your loved one or pet but it also keeps you connected and gives you an outlet for your feelings.
You can choose to do this in whatever way feels is right for you, but here are some ideas:
Visiting their grave with some flowers
Saying a toast in their memory
Reading a poem
Going for a memorial walk
Doing something your loved one used to love doing
Eating their favourite meal
Sharing memories and anecdotes
Looking through a photo album
Lighting a candle
Spending time in the place that your pet loved
Writing a letter
Picking up a pebble, stone or seashell and putting it in your memory box
Listening to their favourite song
Whatever you choose to do, I hope it brings you some comfort and gives you a space to think of your loved one or pet, to remember the love and joy they brought you and to know that your bond with them is still ongoing and cannot be broken.
Grief is a difficult and painful journey, please take care of yourself ❤️
Help and Support
Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support Helpline- 0800 096 6606 – open from 8.30am-8.30pm
Paws to Listen by Cats Protection- 0800 024 9494 – open from 9.00am-17.00pm
Association of Pet Bereavement Counsellors - https://apbcounsellors.co.uk
Cruse Bereavement Support- offers advice, support and a helpline
Helpline- 0808 808 1677
Child Bereavement UK- offers advice and support for when a child grieves or when a child dies
Helpline- 0800 02 888 40
Compassionate Friends- provides support after the death of a child, there is currently a section on how to cope at Christmas time
Helpline- 0345 123 2304
Email: helpline@tcf.org.uk
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide- peer led support for anyone bereaved by suicide, including an online forum and local support groups
National Support Line- 0300 111 5065
Sue Ryder- offers support and advice, including a section on how to cope during the festive season and online Bereavement Support
Comments