A lot of the time when we talk about Pet loss and Bereavement, we understandably focus on the grief and sadness that we feel and the loss itself. Grieving for your pet is a long and difficult journey and you might want to have a look at my other blog articles (When your heart breaks, Grief talks and The many faces of Grief) in which I talk about my own experiences of losing my beloved cat Charlie and the aftermath of her sudden death.
Losing a pet is heartbreaking but many of us love animals and the love and companionship they give us and at some point in your grief journey, you might start thinking about welcoming a new pet into your home and heart.
Don’t worry if you’re not there yet or you feel like you never want another pet ever again, that’s fine too and there is nothing wrong with that.
Grief is difficult to bear and opening your heart to another pet might not be an option for you and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.
We are all different and what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for others.
I have previously written about adopting a new pet and how you will know if you’re ready. In this blog post I want to focus on something that isn’t really talked about at all:
What happens after you adopted a new pet?
Like so many things in life we probably have expectations and ideas of what life with a new pet will look like and how we will feel.
Comforted.
Better able to heal.
Happy.
Excited.
Joyful even.
At peace.
And if you do feel like that, that's great.
But what if you don't? What then?
Here are some of the things you might be feeling instead:
Anxiety - having a new pet in your home might feel jarring to start with. Of course this might depend on where you are at in your grief journey but it might feel strange to see your new pet exploring your home. You might feel anxious about getting to know your new pet and you might notice how very different they are from the pet you are mourning.
Of course we know that no two pets are the same and it is not a case of replacing one with another but sometimes our emotions don’t always catch up as quickly. You might also find yourself worrying about whether your new pet is settling in okay.
Difficulty bonding - you might feel like you’re not immediately bonding with your new pet and you might experience feelings of rejection or sadness. You might feel like your heart is still very much broken and the reality of living with the new pet might feel very different to what you have imagined.
Guilt - you might be experiencing feelings of guilt for opening your home and heart to a new pet. You might worry that this means you didn’t love your previous pet enough. You might feel like you are betraying them.
Doubt - you might be doubting your decision to adopt a new pet. You might worry about whether you are in fact ready or whether it was too soon. You might feel like you have made the wrong decision.
If any of this sounds familiar, you might not want to express any of these thoughts and feelings in case others might judge or reject you.
Because the expectation is that you should feel happy.
You should move forwards.
It’s a new chapter in your life.
People don’t ask about the pet you lost anymore. Nobody says their name. And that hurts too.
Having a new pet and mourning the one you lost isn’t mutually exclusive. One thing I have learned and witnessed over and over again is that the human heart is capable of a lot of love in all its different forms and you can absolutely get to know your new pet and have tender feelings towards them and feel full of grief and sadness for the pet who has died.
Any change, wanted or not, can be difficult and overwhelming.
Take care of yourself and give yourself the time you need to adjust.
Don’t be too hard on yourself and try to show yourself compassion for whatever it is you’re feeling.
And if you feel totally overwhelmed or like you have made the wrong decision, please know that help and support is out there and you do not have to suffer alone or in silence.
Adopting a new pet can be a wonderful and exciting journey but that doesn’t mean it always feels like an easy one.
We are all just trying to find our way through the murky landscape of our grief.
Comentarios