Things change.
All the time.
Sometimes we make changes and they are wanted ones. Often life throws things at us and nothing remains as we knew it. The Covid19 pandemic would be one such example. Suddenly we were all thrown into a bewildering and scary world of a deadly virus, lockdown and Zoom meetings.
Understandably, change can evoke feelings of anxiety and fear. Even though change is by no means always negative, it is the unknown and you might not know what to expect and that in itself can feel scary. None of us know what might happen and even with wanted changes there is always a level of uncertainty and that can be difficult to sit with.
After all there is comfort in the familiar.
Another thing you might find yourself worrying about when thinking about change is whether you will be able to cope and deal with whatever the change involves. More often than not we can be thrown into the deep end when change occurs (this applies to both planned and unplanned changes).
Change is no doubt an integral part of our lives. Without change we wouldn’t grow or develop as humans. We wouldn’t move forwards or make progress or reach our potential and dreams. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. And it also doesn’t mean it can’t be painful.
Here are some things you might like to consider when change makes an appearance in your life:
Planned changes - some examples might be starting University, starting a new job, moving house, starting a new hobby, becoming a parent, ending a relationship, finding new friends, going travelling
- reflect on what is changing, this helps you gain clarity on what and how your life will change and what this might look like
- remember why you are making the change, this might help you to keep going when things get difficult
- prepare for the change as much as you can, this might help you to feel a bit more in control which in turn can lessen any anxiety you might feel. For example if you are starting a new job, you might want to think about how you will get to your new workplace, what your options are for lunch, get to know the building you’ll be working in and so forth
- reflect on whether you might also be feeling excited as well as anxious and apprehensive - are you looking forward to welcoming your baby? Are you feeling excited to explore new countries?
- remember it is okay and normal to feel scared - change is scary! Be kind to yourself
- reflect on what support you might need to help you with the change you’re about to make. This could be talking to family and friends or seeking professional support.
- give yourself time to adjust
Unplanned changes - examples might include loss and bereavement, relationship break ups, losing your job, illness, natural disasters such as floods, war, political unrest, pandemics
- don’t be afraid to ask for help and get support - you do not have to struggle alone or in silence
- remember that you are doing your best
- try to validate and accept your feelings - dealing with unplanned change or life events is very stressful and difficult and it’s okay to feel sad, angry and frightened
- you might be experiencing grief and that’s okay - often unplanned changes do involve an element of loss, please be patient with yourself and ask for help
- be aware of your stress levels and ask yourself what you need to take care of yourself - self care is often the last thing on our minds when we are dealing with unplanned changes but it is very important
- utilize your support network
- give yourself time to adjust to the change
- take one day at a time – this might help you when you’re feeling overwhelmed
- even though unplanned change is difficult to deal with, sometimes it can also be the beginning of something new
- once you have adjusted to the change, you might want to reflect on what you have learned, for example you might be stronger than you think. Often change can bring with it an element of personal growth
Change like so many things in life, is inevitable but I hope that the above points might provide you with some food for thought and help you to navigate any changes that might come your way.
Remember there is no shame in asking for help and you are not alone!
Helplines and Support
Your GP
Your local A&E Department
The Samaritans- 116 123, www.samaritans.org
The Hub of Hope- https://hubofhope.co.uk
Shout (Crisis Text Service)- 85258
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM)- 0800 58 58 58, 17.00pm-midnight every day
Support Line – 01708 765 200, info@supportline.org.uk
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